The Attachment Solution

We are built to love.

This is a truth no one can deny. Every part of our physiology and psychology is designed to attach with others and share our lives in deep and meaningful ways. As social animals we need people, we always have. This is simply our biology. But in our modern lives, so much has got in the way of this fundamental truth.

When it comes to our most intimate relationships, we are increasingly acting from a place of fear. We're scared we will choose the wrong person. We're scared the person we are with doesn't love us enough. We're scared to get close. We're scared to be on our own. We're scared the one we love is pulling away. We're scared when someone seems really interested in us.

From an attachment perspective, we are insecurely attached. Either anxious, avoidant, or a combination of the two. Despite our natural need to attach, we have been profoundly impacted by our experiences from childhood and our previous relationships, and our need to protect ourselves has become greater than our need to love. It cannot be overstated how, when we love, or try to be loved, our history permeates our present in the most all-consuming and powerful ways. This makes getting close to someone else, and staying close, very difficult.